Pyromaniacal Tendencies

I would like to say what I would like to say without there being any consequences.  Whether it’s because I want to make a funny joke, or win a fight, or call someone on their crap, whether my motivation is to encourage, to soothe, to convince, or to hurt, I want to say what’s on my mind.  I’m not good at faking it, and my spirit bucks against censorship like a wild horse throws a saddle.  And I want to rationalize the unleashing of my tongue, because after all, “Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, Lord.” (Psalm 139:4, NIV.)

But some things should remain between me and God.  Because as much as I want to say them, I can’t say them with a heart full of love.  Because sometimes I want to tell someone off just because I’m right and not because it’s the right thing to do.  Because saying it wouldn’t change anything, wouldn’t right any wrongs, would be cathartic for a moment but then create years of tension.

The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.  Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.  The tongue also is a fire…it corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire… (James 3:5-6, NIV).

I struggle with this more than I can really say.  Sometimes controlling my tongue, my ego, my pride,  is so difficult it’s physically painful.

Oh, God, sometimes I want to be an arsonist.

6 Comments

Filed under Scripture verses, struggles

6 responses to “Pyromaniacal Tendencies

  1. Love this. The tongue is the most unruly member…

    Very hard for me too. It takes extreme discipline, but ruling over the tongue can become a covenant of sorts. “For you, Lord.”

    I try to see my words as sacred, coming from this “temple” of mine, representing as I do. I do so try. But I’m also chatty and short tempered and want my way.

    Oh the struggle!

  2. Leah

    I’m also known for ‘telling it like it is’ and ‘it’ isn’t always good. It’s quite the struggle. Here in MN my honesty is appreciated but it’s hard to have close friends because they are intimidated or ‘put off’ by my crassness. I wish I could have speech “full of grace” and speak the truth “in love” but sadly it takes more effort than I have been putting forth. Thanks for the great reminder!

  3. “Because sometimes I want to tell someone off just because I’m right and not because it’s the right thing to do.”

    Oh, yeah. And then God knocks me down and reminds me that my pride and my always wanting to be right *at all costs* is not becoming.

    A verse I’ve had to learn. And relearn. And learn again is James 1:19. I could tell you what it is, but don’t we learn better when we have to find out for ourselves? Look it up. 🙂

  4. I struggle with this so much. It’s about being the better person- sometimes it’s hard- but it’s the right thing (no matter how much I want to bulldoze someone).

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