I would like to say what I would like to say without there being any consequences. Whether it’s because I want to make a funny joke, or win a fight, or call someone on their crap, whether my motivation is to encourage, to soothe, to convince, or to hurt, I want to say what’s on my mind. I’m not good at faking it, and my spirit bucks against censorship like a wild horse throws a saddle. And I want to rationalize the unleashing of my tongue, because after all, “Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, Lord.” (Psalm 139:4, NIV.)
But some things should remain between me and God. Because as much as I want to say them, I can’t say them with a heart full of love. Because sometimes I want to tell someone off just because I’m right and not because it’s the right thing to do. Because saying it wouldn’t change anything, wouldn’t right any wrongs, would be cathartic for a moment but then create years of tension.
The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire…it corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire… (James 3:5-6, NIV).
I struggle with this more than I can really say. Sometimes controlling my tongue, my ego, my pride, is so difficult it’s physically painful.
Oh, God, sometimes I want to be an arsonist.